Granite

View from Peak Head, Torndirrup National Park

I never really believed in crystals or that kind of thing. But having just returned from a fabulous trip to Albany, which is firmly set on granite, I am wondering whether there is something to the idea of the vibrations from certain rocks or minerals after all.

I was born in Sydney, which is sandstone country. I've always felt comfortable with sandstone, and indeed in the bushland that thrives on it. Turns out I also feel comfortable on granite.

Both Canberra and Perth sit on limestone. Limestone is a young rock, whereas granite is sedimentary rock (like sandstone) that has been cooked, forged by the crashing of continents and the pressure of the earth. Granite has had some life experience. You know where you stand when you're on granite. Not like the shifting limestone sands of the Perth Basin...

Maybe what I'm getting at here is something like the Aboriginal concept of 'country'. That the place you are born in somehow indelibly marks you, and nothing can be quite right until you return there.

Good, honest granite!

 For the past seven years I've been living on limestone. I think maybe when I move again I should think long and hard about the landscape that I'll be moving to. In fact, since I'm aiming to move on from here regardless, maybe now is a good time to start thinking of some good sandstone or granite country to aim for next!

Snapping out of it

So, maudlin me is taking a bit of a break. After all, there's only so long you can be miserable for before having to just step back, reassess, and start taking control. Also, it's hard to be unhappy when the year is winding down, Christmas is on the way, and I've got 10 days off work coming up. Huzzah!

I have decided to try and let go of the things that are out of my control. Okay, so tried deciding that several months ago, but now I'm getting a bit of outside assistance so I can actually get the tools to make it happen. I have had enough of banging my ahead against the brick wall of... well, everything really, and it's time to just let it go.

My trick to making this happen (besides my counselor) is giving myself something that I can focus on that is within my control. And to that end I have applied and been accepted into doing a PhD at ANU. Still ironing out the practicalities, but I start next year, and am aiming to get it done in 5 years. I'm excited!

6 months

Today marks the six-month anniversary of my Dad passing out of this world. Tomorrow would have been his 62nd birthday.

I am getting drunk in his honour.

I'm really not in a good place right now (actually I feel that I really haven't been happy since I moved to WA), but I figure like anything broken, ie arm or leg, the only thing that can fix this is time.

So I wait.

So....

You know when you're following a blog, and then the person goes silent for a while? You kind of wonder what happened to them, and hope it was nothing bad.

Nothing BAD has happened to me, but I spend a lot of my waking life feeling hemmed in and hopeless, due largely to a job that I find incredibly frustrating. It's gotten to the stage now where I write a FB status update, and get emails from colleagues who have misrepresented my words, claiming they are potentially offensive to others.

I've come from a place where inquiry and intellectual rigour were the norm and I've come to a place where... well, if I continue that sentence I WILL be being offensive (the words 'honest' and 'offensive' are pretty much interchangeable here).

I know people over here are sick of me whingeing about WA, and wish I would just fuck off back to the Eastern States. I too am sick of whingeing about WA, and for what it's worth, I'd gladly fuck off back to the eastern states - it's just a matter of finding a job to go back to!

I love the weather, and I love being close to the beach. I love that every single plant we have put in the ground here has not only survived, but thrived. But MY GOD I cannot stand the [CENSORED], the suggestion that [CENSORED], and the [CENSORED]. See, they've got me so paranoid I'm sensoring myself now!

So if I've gone a bit quiet it's probably because I don't have much more to say at the moment.

Nearly, but not quite

So I made the team for the game against Brisbane later this month. For about 5 minutes! I was the first reserve player, a skater went out with a knee injury and I was invited to take her place on Friday; Sunday night training, boom - I get smashed in the head by a fellow player and am now out for three weeks with a 'head injury'. BUMMER!

Dry July

I'm doing Dry July this year. It's harder than I thought it would be, which surprises me. I mean, it's not like I have to hike up a mountain, or shave my head, or whaever else; I don't actively have to DO anything, all I have to do, essentially is NOT do. And who would think that NOT DOING would be harder than doing?

It's not that I'm a heavy drinker, but I am a regular drinker. Those days where you come home from work gagging for a glass of wine? I have a few of those! When I first moved to WA the glass of wine was more like half a bottle, and the 'regular' meant every day. But things have settled down now, and while I thought it would be a slight challenge to get through 31 days without booze I didn't actually think it would be too difficult. WRONG!

Dad pouring champagne at our wedding - 2009

The idea of Dry July holds a lot of significance for me this year. Having lost my Dad to cancer so recently, I wanted to do something proactive, and the idea of giving up alcohol had particular resonance. So much of my adult relationship with Dad was characterised by alcohol, from knowing he would always have a good bottle laid on when we visited, to him selecting the wine list for my wedding. Then, following his diagnosis late last year, as his cancer meds kicked in, he could no longer stomach wine. Watching him having to give up something he loved and that had given him so much pleasure for so many years was difficult. Certainly more difficult than going without a glass or two myself.

Then when he died I drank a lot. The week between his death and the funeral I opened three bottles of whisky; I didn't drink them all myself, but I did drink a lot of them.

So I really am doing this for my Dad, in honour of the fact that he himself had to give up alcohol (as well as so much else) as cancer took over his life. And the funds I'm raising are going to the Prostate Cancer Foundation of Australia, because the John Hunter Hospital in Singleton gave Dad a terrible time, and after what he and his wife went through with them I couldn't just couldn't support raisining money for a hospital (though I know plenty of people have much more positive experiences; it just wasn't right for my fundraising efforts at this time).

It's been two weeks now, with 17 days to go (and yes I AM counting them!). If you feel inclined you can support my cause here Dry July for Col

So bottoms up, but make mine a fruit juice!

The Great Southern Slam 2012

So the Australian roller derby community is pretty isolated. We don't get too many international teams coming out to play with us, forming a national team is hard given the size of our country, and online broadcasts of bouts overseas are usually on at 2am our time. But for all that the Australian roller derby community is a thriving one. In fact it was in Australia that we saw the largest roller derby event in the world back in 2010, with the first Great Southern Slam held in Adelaide. This last weekend saw the second TGSS, and it was once again the biggest such event ever held, anywhere!

Three days of non-stop derby action across 5 tracks. To quote one of my teammates, "I now know what derby heaven looks like!" I played in one of those bouts, a very close game between PRD and Gold Coast Roller Derby, where the lead changed five times throughout the game, and in the end we lost by 5 points in the last jam. That sucked, because I was one of the two blockers left on the track when we lost (two blockers and our jammer were in the bin!), and watching that jammer whizz around and around, while we tried fruitlessly to stop her, was gutwrenching.

This event was later repeated at a couple of the other bouts I saw (notably Pirate City vs Brisbane City, and Canberra vs Sydney), where the game was lost in the last jam when one team's blockers and jammer were in the bin. A little lesson for us all there I think!

Overall it was a freakin' brilliant trip. I'm so glad I had the opportunity to go along, and to play. It was touch and go there for a while, with the captain wanting to bench me due to missing too much training (coz I was with my Dad), but I made it there in the end, albeit on a reduced roster. Now that I know what playing against a team you've never played before feels like (chaos, in case you're wondering!) I feel like I'll be more and better prepared next time.

It feels like this was so much of what I have been aiming for since the beginning of the year. I'm actually a bit worried that I will crack now, without that focus. I still have a father to grieve for, after all. But hopefully the regularity of training, and our home team games to work towards, will help to keep me sane.