You know how they told us the first three months would be the hardest? Well, I beg to differ [utters hollow laugh].
First, I spend two awesome weeks in Tonga with Clinton, then leave behind my family, friends, and fiancee after a whirlwind 4 days in Australia (who's dumb-arse idea was it to go home for just 4 days??). I returned to Tonga feeling slightly sad, and seeing Clinton's imprint on everything. Even opening a packet of biscuits reminds me of him!
But I guess that wasn't enough, coz barely 2 days after I got back we got kicked out of our "home", and now I'm living alone and half-unpacked in temporary accommodation, while I think my "flatmate" is giving me the silent treatment, but I'm not sure because I haven't really seen her since we moved out because she and her Tongan boyfriend (who is not permitted in our house!) are staying elsewhere.
Oh yeah, and I found out today that my father, who had prostrate cancer last year, now has a few extra tumours on his organs and they're running more tests. Fucking AWESOME!
So this is the fifth month, right? Isn't everything supposed to be peachy-fantastic by now? Aren't we supposed to be settled into our accommodation and our new lives, happily changing the world through our capacity-building roles?
WRONG!
At this rate, I'll be homeless and hating everyone by Christmas! Let's hope things pick up, people, because I am in a pretty bad mood, and feeling a whole shitload of Sadness, wondering what I'm doing here and why I bother fronting up to work every day. Oh yes, that's right, it's so I can access the internet.
Right now, I wish I was less stubborn so I could just go home. But that's not me. Besides, logic, reason and past experience dictate that things are bound to get better - right???
3 comments:
dude, i feel it. i know what you mean. I think you need to open a can of "screw the world". Pour it over some nice warm toast, tell everyone you see to get stuffed, spend some money on yourself and forget the world, the locals and your "capacity" building for a bit.
I also found that stubborness helped me out too
[hardly encouraging for my upcoming one week at home though Isa, tsk,tsk]
Yeah, sorry 'bout that Dash! If it's any consolation, you're prob better off being THERE rather than having them HERE, and then leaving memories eveywhere for you to trip over on and get upset over...
Being home and doing normal home-type stuff (like going to the favourite cafe for breakfast) made me feel like NONE of the past 4 months had ever happened - it was very weird!
Its just part of the whole living and working overseas as an AYAD thing I think. Going home is bound to stir the pot a bit so its only normal to feel shitty trying to readjust. But of course sticking it out is a good thing. Im not sure of many good descisions that are forged through bad days and trying to get away from sadness.
There ARE positives, and I reckon give you a few weeks and you will be raving about them again! But then we are also allowed to have days and weeks where we hate the world, life sucks, and we feel crap. I mean shit - we have them back in Aus too!
BTW Im sorry to hear that your Dad isnt well. I hope everything goes OK there.
Skye
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