2013: best and worst

The sun is setting on 2013...

So today is the last day of the year. I know I started this year feeling pretty hopeful, and while I'm ending it also feeling hopeful, there were some pretty bleak in-between-times that happened there.

Highlights and lowlights were all pretty closely intertwined. As an example, I went to Canada and saw the Northern Lights, which was amazing, but I also got such bad gastro that my guts were seriously fucked up for months afterwards, and I'm still dealing with the effects of it unfortunately. There was also some pretty negative step-family stuff that happened, but the upside is that I feel closer to my blood relatives now than I have in years. I am incredibly grateful to be part of such a strong, supportive, and loving network of people.

For part of this year I felt so trapped - living far from family and friends in Western Australia, saddled with a mortgage, and being bullied at work - and yet now I feel so free - back in Canberra, not working, and studying full time. It's so, so great to get to do what I want to do, to think about what I want to think about. One of the things that happens when you're being bullied is that you feel incredibly powerless. You don't think there's anything you can do to take back your power. Well, as a last resort I quit my job. It was the best thing I could have done. Now I find myself wondering how one (weak, pathetic, and terribly insecure) person could have gotten the better of me like that; the fact that I can now ask this question I take as a sign of my returning inner strength.

I don't know what 2014 holds for me. I don't feel desperate to embark on it like I did with 2013, convinced it would bring me new hope. I actually feel quite calm, sure that whatever else, the year ahead will bring new opportunities, new challenges, and hopefully many more occasions for happiness. Fingers crossed!

Goodbye old year!