Saturday, February 15, 2014

Confidence in me

Something that was brought rather forcibly home to me by my Westralian experience was that it's easy for confident people to be disliked.

So, fresh from this particular life lesson, I decided that I would tone down my confidence level (assisted somewhat by having my confidence actually dampened by the whole experience), and get more comfortable with being publicly doubtful of my abilities. Not so that people could try and make me feel better, but in the belief that it would prevent anyone being put off by me.

But you know what happened? I actually did lose a lot of confidence, and I became genuinely doubtful of my abilities in many things. Now, I know myself and my foibles pretty well, and I don't think I'm an arrogant person. In fact, I am pretty humble, and tend to downplay a lot of my individual achievements. I do love to share positive recognition of success with a team, but I am not super comfortable with being showered in praise as an individual. That being said, I am generally a pretty capable person, and it's never something I've doubted before. So where was all this doubt coming from?

It seems like I faked my lack of confidence until I actually began to embody being a not-confident person. And being like that sucks!

Through this I have realised that it's actually only insecure people who dislike confident people, and luckily I don't need to waste too much time on those types anymore. Being confident in my abilities is something I should be proud of, and fuck anyone who says otherwise.

So now I'm trying to be all Julie Andrews about stuff, and worry a lot less about how people react to me.