Thursday, March 12, 2009

3 weeks to go...

It's 3 weeks to go until I will no longer apart from Clinton. I won't be finishing up in Tonga until May, but after the wedding we'll be returning to Tonga together for 3 1/2 weeks, and won't need to be parted again.

The psychological advantage that knowing this gives to this last small gap of time is so marked - it's like now I can just sit back and relax, and just enjoy what I have here. It makes me realise how much of an effect being apart from my partner has had on my experience here. Don't get me wrong, I have had periods of loving it here, but there is always a part of me that wishes C was here with me, or I was there with him.

The first 4 months were easy, it was a new place, I had no association of him being here, and I was loving everything (except the skin diseases!). Then he came for a visit, and it brought the realisation that even Tonga was better with C in it! After that the missing and the yearning started in earnest, and the past 4 months have been a lot more challenging.

Still, I have really appreciated this time, my own journey, my own experience. I am, however, looking forward to sharing my last weeks in Tonga with Clinton. I think it will be a really positive way to end my time here, and a nice way to meld my Tongan AYAD experience, with my life with Clinton, and the start of our marriage.

The last trip home (the birthday surprise that turned into dengue) also made me feel that I am ready to return. At Christmas, I felt very iffy about the whole thing, and being home made me want to cling tighter to Tonga. But now I feel much more ready. Not hanging out for it, just mentally and emotionally ready to deal with that change. But for the present I am really happy being in Tonga, living in the present and enjoying everything this country has to offer.

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